May 13, 2018 | Rev. Larry Davies
Hating well doesn't seem to fit our vocabulary. We usually think of hate as a problem to be solved or an emotion from losing control of a situation. In reality though, hate is one of the most important aspects of being human. It is one of the most crucial ingredients of a good person's character. What we hate says a lot about who we are, what we value, what we care about. And how we hate says much about how we will succeed in life.
Hate can be used to solve a problem, or it can be used to ruin a relationship. So, it's important that we learn how to hate well.
One way to answer this is to see hate in two ways: Subjective and Objective. Subjective hatred blasts other people, causes overreactions/ dissensions, leads to broken relationships and many other relational diseases. Turn Subjective to Objective - Transform hate to the kind of hate that solves problems, protects things that you value and stands against the things that you do not want in your life. Go hard on the issue and soft on the person.
1. Make your values intentional – Spend some time thinking about what is hurtful. Make a list of your values. Pray over them. Ask God to guide and strengthen you.
2. Build up your immune system – Just like your physical immune system, your emotional and spiritual immune system can be either strong or weak. The stronger your system, the more you are able to be around sickness without getting sick yourself.
3. Deal with your Subjective Hatred – If you have been hurt look for ways to deal with it. Don’t let that hurt have power over your life. You must take from those experiences the things you want to learn and make a part of you and become stronger not weaker.
4. Mix hate with love and respect – Hate for things that are bad should also be mixed with love and respect for people – kindness and forgiveness. That is how you take a stand on a tough issue but remain loving and kind in the process.
5. Build your skills – Most of us could do better at handling conflicts. Being able to resolve conflicts without losing control of your emotions or getting manipulated can be one of the most valuable skills you could ever learn.
Whether you are going to hate is not an option. Hurtful things happen, and you will respond. That’s how we are made. This real question is: Will that response be constructive or destructive?
There is another way. You can learn to “Hate Well.” You can be one of those people who chooses how they present themselves in the midst of things they hate. In the process you will preserve most of the good things in your life, eliminate most the destructive things and experience much more success in both love and life and in your service of God.